She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize