I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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