the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize