she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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