im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
