My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
