There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
