If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
