Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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