Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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