opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
