It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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