She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
