i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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