5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
