i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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