My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
