The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
