It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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