my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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