I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We're not piercing ourselves today.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
