My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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