She's JV to your varsity
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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