The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize