He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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