Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
