Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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