Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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