i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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