My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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