need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
