I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
