Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
