i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
