yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize