he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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