i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
