margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
