She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
