I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
