hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
