Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
