she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
