Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
