I need to stop coming to work sober
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
