So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
