Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
