I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
