can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
