my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
