i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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