hell yes lets make some ravioli
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
