my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He felt like a one man threesome
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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