Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
