he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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