Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
