Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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