Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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