who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
