Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
