He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
