There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
