i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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