Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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