hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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