living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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