Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
