I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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