i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
