So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize