dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
