You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
