Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can I color on your dick again?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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