I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
