I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
