Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
