i don't like sucking hair
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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