I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
