Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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