so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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