Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
