Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
