What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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